Parenting Station

“I have attempted to do everything that I can to get my oldest son to stop hitting his other kids. Sometimes he even hits me. Then I only get angrier. Punishing my son doesn’t seem to work and my last alternative is to spank him. And when I do spank him and make him apologize, he’s back hitting the very next day!”

There are thousands and thousands of parents who are going through this very same situation every day. One thing leads to another with a child who is behaving badly and then the end result is the spanking of him.

But how are we ever going to teach our children that it is not alright to hurt others when we continue to hurt them as well? What sense does that make? Sure it temporarily relieves the situation but you have just reinforced to your son that hitting is ok to do, especially to them.

When your son or daughter is hitting other children, or perhaps even you and your spouse, it is usually because their feelings are hurt. Your child needs help from you but may feel frustrated because he or she isn’t getting the help that they need.

And this all probably makes you just as frustrated because you want your child to treat others respectfully and may even worry that your child’s behavior is a reflection on you as a parent. Perhaps you are even overreacting and treating your child disrespectfully out of shame and embarrassment, trying to prove to other adults around you that you won’t let your child get away with this behavior.

Below are a few “spank-free” suggestions to help you communicate to your child who is having a problem hitting others:

1. Take the child by the hand and say “I am sorry that your feelings are hurt. How are you feeling? You can talk about it or you can hit a pillow, but do not hit people. People are not for hitting, do you understand?”

2. Ask your child “If you are angry then would it help if you went to your time-out place now?” Keep in mind that a time-out space can only be helpful in this situation if you have successfully helped a child to create their own “positive time-out spot”.

3. Once your child has calmed down then be sure to ask a lot of questions. Sit down with them and create a soothing and loving atmosphere. Then begin to ask a lot of “why” questions and “how” questions. Let them draw on paper anything that will help them tell you how they feel.

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